Maxim should be Ashamed

I’ve just received my November copy of Maxim magazine in the mail. Now why, you ask, would a person about to rip a new one into Maxim magazine, have a subscription to Maxim in the first place. Well the story goes back about three years. I was doing the weekend drinking thing and failing horribly with women at the bars. Meanwhile a friend of mine met this wonderful girl on the internet and ended up moving to Atlanta to marry her. He bought me the subscription to console me because he had just gotten married and I had yet to achieve his success with a woman. Each year he has renewed my membership as a Christmas present, personally I think it has been to rub his success in.

So I’m still receiving the magazine each month. Today I received the November 2003 copy in the mail. I used to flip through it instantly, now my wife just places it in the rack in the bathroom, right next to the Archie comics.

And each month it has become a game to look through and find the pictures of that month’s unnatural Maxim created women. I laughed once because they actually edited the nipples on a man as well. The game has become tedious over time, the mannequin like women frustrate me.

This month they have crossed the line. Take a look at the picture of Kata Dobo I’ve scanned in and tell me if you can spot the problem.

Kata Dobo - November 2003 Maxim

Did you find the errors? Did you see what I saw in seconds? Maxim has crossed the line. This is an affront to all intelligent men on this planet. I call a move to arms to combat this injustice.

Haven’t seen it yet? Let me point it out to you.

Kata Dobo - Breast Kata Dobo - SideI’m a hundred percent sure that most women do not have the ability to morph the walls behind them to flatter their own image. I’ve looked at the photo over and over and can not find any other explanation for the shifting walls. Maxim edited the photo! And badly at that. With the current lawsuits by Britney Spears, Jennifer Aniston and J-Lo against various other magazines, you would think that they would have been a bit more careful.

Kata if you read this, if you hear of my outrage over their treatment of your beautiful form. I’d love to sit down and have coffee as reward. (I’m sure it’s all my wife would let me get away with)

Fellow brethren submit your ire here. Maxim Online comments

40 thoughts on “Maxim should be Ashamed

  1. Dude. This surprises you? Since the invention of Photoshop I have yet to see an untouched photo of a hot woman in any Men’s magazine. Get a life……please.

  2. Dude all the tiles in that photo are screwed up what makes you think its an edit of the photo problem.. do you not see other tiles in that photo lopsided not even by her body? Not to mention photos go through a spraypaint job, cropping job, fat enhancing job, fat reducing job, shifting, etc… glad to see there are morons out there like this blog article.

  3. This is definitely a lame photoshop job. Whoever did it was not paying attention, and should find a new line of work. It looks like something I would do. I have no doubt that all the women are, well, enhanced, but the retouching should be like the makeup, the wardrobe the hair and the fact that the photographer probably had three assistants, a million dollars worth of gear and a hundred rolls of film to get this shot. – that is, invisible. Besides, it’s an easy fix to get the tiles straight again. Maxum has standards to keep, and this is definitely not up to snuff.

  4. ryan wrote:
    Dude all the tiles in that photo are screwed up what makes you think its an edit of the photo problem.. do you not see other tiles in that photo lopsided not even by her body?

    i say:
    Look idiot. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a fucking tile wall before but the vast vast vast majority are not made from hand made tiles casted by encephalitic children. WHICH MEANS, in case you need this pointed out to you, that tiles have straight parallel lines. They are not curved or irregular rhomboid, bent in the middle or so forth. Ergo, *every* tile that is out of true in this picture is the result of someone playing with a morpher. Jackass.

  5. duhh.. the point is not that she’s altered…

    the point is that they couldn’t be bothered to make the tiles look right

    i.e. they did a crappy job altering her

    kind of like when they don’t fix shadows or line up silhouettes when swapping heads etc

  6. even a basic photoshop person should know “when fscking with images, one must make it look like the image was not fscked with.” duh.

    It’s called a matte and the clone brush. look into it.

    :)

  7. I haven’t looked at the tiles yet. There’s a half-naked broad in the picture – did you guys see that part?

  8. I wish that my pictures could be touched up like that so it looks like I have huge boobs too.

  9. what in the hell are you guys lookig at tiles for? its no wonder you have no luck with the ladies…

  10. “Dude…”

    I just wanted to make a comment that started with the word “dude” like others before me in this thread. :) Oh, and glaring PS mistakes are nothing new in publishing (men’s magazines or otherwise).

  11. Haha, you subscribe to Maxium – photoshop has played a role in their photography since day one and you’re screaming about a particularly bad photoshop job. Boy, you’ve BEEN dupped!

  12. I’m no Photoshopper, so tell me… is there a tool in PShop’s bag o tricks that allows for the waist to be pinched in like that? I dont recall anything that gives that functionality. A morpher? Ok… can anyone spit out a the name of something relatively user friendly? Thanks gang.

  13. I’m confused, you spend a lot of the first half of the entry talking about how you aren’t so lucky with the ladies. And then the last line of the entry you mention you have a wife? I’m confused, like I said. But you’re right, the tiles around her tits have been morphed along with the tits.

    And why does it say URI where I type in the URL for my website?

  14. And? Who cares? It’s a given that they touch up photos. Could they have done a tad better? Sure. Why are you looking at the tiles, anyway? Concentrate on the female, as you’re supposed to do with this magazine. Am I worried that there could be some deception going on? No, and since me nor anyone in these comments are going to ever touch that girl, let alone see her, I say enjoy the illusion.

  15. Dude,

    Greg’s site was impressive. Really, surprising. I had no idea you could do that kind of stuff… and I’m no newb to image editing software. Thanks for that link.

    p.s. – pay no attention to the trolling kiddies who preceded me… ah, how longer will the world have to tolerate snotty americans with way too much free time on their hands.

  16. “ah, how longer will the world have to tolerate snotty americans with way too much free time on their hands.”

    But time enough on their hands to notice discrepancies in bathroom tiles?

    No one said you have to get “hot and bothered” over a photo in a men’s magazine. I understand your points, and if photo enahcing is a turn-off for you, then so be it. But the entire reason for placing these women in these magazines is for fantasy purposes. You see a hot chick, poke your friend in the ribs and say, “I’d hit that”, knowing damn well enough you are never going to get a chance.

    I guess I just don’t have a problem with photo enhancing. For one, I do it for a living so I know how prevalent it is. Two, I know I’m never going to even see this girl, so as far as I know she doesn’t even truly exist. An image is just pixels, right?

    People say the same thing about breast implants. “She’s fake, that turns me off.” Hey, pretend that they’re real. You’re never going to touch them anyways. And if you ever do, I have a high-five here waiting for you.

  17. I agree that it is sloppy and I hate seeing people get paid to do sloppy work for a major magazine when I have to build a reputation so that I can do a site for Crazy Joe’s Leather Emporium, or whatever. Also, I don’t think we should be so cavalier about warped body images in the media. I mean, if women feel like they need to live up this, at least the have the option of getting a makeover and a boob job. Real people don’t have the option of getting a permanent photoshop re-touch.

    (Also, if anybody’s interested in the URI/URL thing: Tim Berners-Lee wanted to call it a Universal Resource Indicator (URI), but some standards commitee thought that Uniform Resource Locator (URL) was better, but as a compromise they admitted Uniform Resource Indicator (URI) as an alternative name. I just had to say that because I know. Its a compulsion. I’m sorrry :)

  18. hahaha, well spotted.
    I hope the model takes you up on that coffee offer – I’d like to hear what she thinks about it. :)

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  20. The problem for me, is the lack of reality in it. Men learn to lust for something that isnt real. No women are created that way and most of the women who appear in these magazines can go walk down the sidewalk unnoticed due to the fact that they are only a mold for the picture. It makes a notion present that these women exist and are something to work towards earning. Setting all men up for failure who even partially buy into it. I dont need airbrushing to be attracted to women and it exploits everyones insecurities in the interim

  21. No pupils, professor? hell, she’s got no _tits_. What is it with these anorexic women today? It’s like they’re afraid to have curves, and now they have them Photoshoped out. Sheesh. Never date a girl with smaller breasts than your fattest bud.

  22. Its pretty ridiculous to take away every flaw just because photoshop allows you to…cause like someone said earlier, men buy into something that doesn’t really exist. it sucks for a women too, cause we look at our own not so perfect bodies and wonder why on earth cant we look like that.

    Its eye-candy, but its completely fake, so its almost pointless. Not only is it a woman that not too many men here would be able to get, its also a woman that doesn’t really exist. Its like lusting after barbie.

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  24. The answer to your girl problems are solved by your’s truly. Get a friggin’ clue man. You are too DAMN busy looking at the wall to be noticing the really hot girl in front of it. Perhaps you need glasses? Or maybe you are gay or metrosexual even? So what if the picture is photoshopped, there are alot of pictures out there that have been manipulated. Hell Playboy has been airbrushing since long before I was born.
    You have issues if you are noticing the wall and not the girl. I don’t think I have ever really noticed the background on a picture of a girl. I guess you thought the grout could use a good cleaning also!!!!

  25. I don’t subscribe to Maxim.
    This girl is beautiful..whats her name?

    Its just a photo of a women is bare clothes. What the hell are you looking at the damn microscopic errors for?? You think Maxim pick up some bitch off the street and fuck her up with photoshop?

    I thought you were pointing out armpit hairs. Damn,.
    Kneel down , apologize and lick the wall right now.

  26. I wish that my pictures could be touched up like that so it looks like I have huge boobs too.

    hell, she’s got no _tits_. What is it with these anorexic women today?

    Wait, I’m confused: which talking point are we supposed to be using again?

  27. To be completely frank, I think it is a fun exercise to look for mistakes in professional media. It is assumed that the material is going to be altered; the idea is to find new pleasure in the material. Lets be honest, if youre getting off on porn, then you really are sad.

    Soren Kierkegaard in his book Either/Or has a wonderful chapter titled Crop Rotation, and I think some of these commentators could learn something from it. This project of finding flaws in the artwork is a way of remaining interested in otherwise dull material.

    There is not a beautiful woman in the picture, there is poor trick fauxtography bested by the primitive materials Buster Keaton had to work with. Keep looking for poor craftsmanship in these insults to the palate, and you’ll apppreciate the real women more. That digital photo can’t cook, can’t join you at the movies, can’t talk to you on a romantic walk. All it can do is arouse the uneducated.

  28. it’s a real graphic, but the morphing in the background is to give more shape and focus on the foreground image which is that of the chick…

  29. PERSONALLY I DO NOT SEE THE REASON THIS GUY IS COMPLAINING ABOUT A PICTURE OF KATA DOBO BEING EDITED. WHAT PERSONAL AFFRONT DOES THIS CAUSE YOU DUDE? ARE YOU MENTAL, OR ARE YOU JUST SO WRAPPED UP ON THIS NOBODY MODEL? WHO THE HELL IS KATA DOBO ANYWAY? OTHER THAN AN ANOREXIC, NASTY, NO TITTS, NO ASS, NO HIPS, FAKE ASS, TRAMP WHO TOOK ALMOST ALL OF HER CLOTHES OFF FOR WHAT? SO WE COULD REGURGITATE WHILE MR. I’M AFFRONTED GETS THE BIGGEST BONER OF HIS LIFE. IF I WERE YOUR WIFE I WOULD SLAP YOU! WHY DON’T YOU GO PAY THAT KIND OF ATTENTION TO HER AND STOP KISSING THIS NOBODY NEWBE MODEL’S ASS, APPARENTLY ALL YOU ARE CONCERNED WITH IS DRINKING SOME OF JUAN VALDEZ’S FINEST WITH HER CAUSE YOU HAVE A CRUSH. DUDE YOU HAVE A WIFE AT HOME GET A LIFE IF YOU CAN’T GET DOBO OUT OF YOUR HEAD THINK MAN, THINK, AS LONG AS YOUR WIFE IS THE RECIPIENT YOU CAN HAVE ANYONE YOU WANT WITHIN THE CONFINES OF YOUR HEAD, AND IT’S ALL GOOD AS LONG AS YOUR WIFE IS THE ONE UNDERNEATH YOU. SO SHUT UP WITH THE INSANITY GET THIS NOBODY MODEL OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM AND LET MAXIM ALONE. IF YOU ARE SO AFFRONTED THEN CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION AND GO SCREW YOURSELF.

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